Well, no more.

I had a profound experience a few days ago when I went dancing. Despite being in my early 30s I still enjoy dancing at a nightclub whenever I have the time and don’t have to be up on a Saturday morning. Dancing has always been a great emotional release for me, but I noticed some time ago that my dance style had changed from what it was when I was regularly clubbing in my late teens and early 20s. I had attributed the change to new styles of music and had assumed that I was merely adapting to my age. This past Friday though, I was tired of fitting into the crevices of space that no one else had claimed. Instead, I was the one claiming the amount of space I needed to dance and it felt fantastic. I danced a lot more than I have in a  long time.

So, what changed? I’ve been going through a difficult time the last few weeks with some of the projects I’ve been working on. I freelance, so I don’t have a set job or schedule, and while it’s great that plenty of people have been demanding of my time, it’s also opened up my eyes to how much of my own work I give away, among other things. But it’s also made me realize that I hesitate on all sorts of projects that I want to spend time on – everything from writing, submitting completed fiction, starting new initiatives and ventures, and even this blog. It sounds so silly to me now, even though just a few days ago I posted on my personal twitter that I felt like I had to apologize for my own existence.

After my epiphany on Friday, I had the opportunity to help a friend who is battling with depression and with their own struggles for wanting more out of their job and relationship. How many times have we heard someone say “who do you think you are?” or “why do you think you can do this when so many people never succeed”.  With my new frame of mind, I was able to encourage my friend to be bold and remind them that they had the strength to keep going. At first I wondered if it sounded like I was offering mere platitudes, but it’s easy to underestimate how important encouragement can be, especially to those of us who haven’t been.

It also reminded me of the reason I started this blog, but that quickly got lost as other possibilities for how to best use this blog came up. Ultimately, I want to create a space where I can encourage and support anyone’s creative endeavours. There are so many critics, but not enough cheerleaders. Even when I’m editing, and I edit on average over 50 short stories per year, I try to judge each story on it’s own merit and find something that the author did well. I think this is important, not because writers’ have fragile egos, but because it’s important for each writer to understand what they do well, so that they can move on and focus on learning the skills that they’re not as strong in. It saddens me how many good stories will never be shared with the world, just because a given author was never encouraged. So, I’m going to carve out a space for myself in this blog, dare to speak and exist, and tell you, the reader, that it’s ok for you to be bold and to want to make your dreams come true.

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Being creative isn’t about the tools you use or the medium you create in. It’s about experiencing something that moves you and about hearing a voice within you that guides your work.

In the day-to-day struggle to be productive, it’s very easy to lose sight of this. Things like daily wordcount metres or the desire to show your family and friends that you’re spending your time creating a finished product can make it very tempting to approach a new project methodically, especially once you’re past that initial spark and now all that’s left is the tough slog through to the finish line.

Personally, I’m always at war with logic. I’m both left-brained and right-brained, and when I’m not sure how things will turn out, I fall back on planning. But when it comes to my creativity, I over-think things. I over-plan and draw up schedules for my daily wordcount or the optimal number of posts per day. I spend more time thinking about the project, stuck in an endless loop of analysis and contingency planning, and occasionally the futility of the endeavour.

But creativity isn’t about logic. It’s about letting go of the fear and uncertainty, and letting your inspiration out to play. It’s about seeing the truth in something and telling the world that it’s there, regardless of whether you’re pointing out injustice in the world or portraying unicorns in their natural habitat. Your end result may not turn out the way you expected. But if you’re true to yourself and to what is inside you can be creative too.

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Are you satisfied with your efforts?

It’s easy to be encouraging and compassionate to a friend who says: “Here is my art. But it’s not good enough.” Maybe you remind them that they should celebrate the completion of a project. Or that others appreciate their efforts, including past sales or accolades.

Do you do this for yourself? Or are you dissatisfied because you haven’t made your millions yet?

I came across an excellent article on learning to love yourself and was struck by the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours towards your goals and accomplishments.

Healthy – You set goals for yourself that encourage you to grow and stretch. You accept and love yourself as you are but know that you can always be better.
Unhealthy – You are constantly beating yourself up because you believe that you need to overwork or punish yourself for not being “good enough”. You believe you have to achieve these unrealistic goals to be “worthy”.

From Learning to Love Yourself Again by Cindy Sense.

Do you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished so far in your life? When do you allow yourself to celebrate? When you’ve had a once in a lifetime experience? Do you ever celebrate the small steps you had to take to get to where you are now?

If you have low self-esteem, the unhealthy behaviours from above can skew your perceptions and make it seem that you’re worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Here’s an exercise that might help you gain a more balanced view of your daily accomplishments and successes:

Exercise: A “What I Have Accomplished Today” Journal

Years ago, on a now unfortunately defunct organization forum, I came across this deceptively simple exercise. The “What I Have Accomplished Today” journal is exactly what it sounds. All you have to do at the end of each day is record what you’ve done. Use either an electronic format or a paper journal, but make sure it’s something that you can refer to, especially as each day adds up. My preference for this is a paper journal, and each page represents one day of accomplishments, because I find it helps you to really see what you’re doing. You can also decide if it should just include your creative endeavours, or if you’re feeling particularly self-loathing, you may want to include everything from getting out of bed to eating to going to work.

I’ve used one of these journals off and on for years, and pull it out when I’m feeling particularly insecure about my value and self-worth. And while my self-worth shouldn’t be connected to my levels of productivity, the reminder the journal provides assures me that I can’t allow a blanket self-assessment of being a failure guide my thoughts, which unfortunately on really bad days is what sometimes happens. The journal provides evidence of accomplishments and that every 100 words I write for a story or blog post contributes to my goals and is worthy of celebration.

And this is exactly what I tell my friends and clients who are struggling to believe in themselves.

Will you celebrate your achievements with me?

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Then the next day, you’re just not sure you’re up to it. You stare at the blank screen and nothing happens. Or when you start drawing, none of it looks right. Maybe you have a headache or feel the start of a cold, or a chronic illness has picked today to smack you back down.

There will never be a perfect day to start on a new creative project, but on some days, it can seem more difficult than on others. Creativity won’t always follow the schedule you’ve outlined for yourself, but there are a few more things you can try before giving up.

Keep at it
Do you have trouble sitting still for any length of time? If you’ve been staring at a blank canvas, a few more minutes won’t hurt. Set a timer for 5 minutes and keep at it. If after the timer goes off you still don’t have anything, then pack it in for the day without feeling guilty. Some days really aren’t meant for creativity. Don’t give up though. Tomorrow you can try again. But if you’ve started before the 5 minutes are up, then ignore the clock and keep going! Sometimes all you need to do is to take the pressure off. By saying to yourself that you’ll only try for another 5 minutes and that’s it, you might find that instead of worrying about producing something, you’ll allow yourself to just be. A minor variation on this is to keep setting it for another 15 minutes (or whatever length of time works best for you) as a way to keep the pressure off. Over time, you might find that you’re able to work for longer periods of time.

And if today didn’t work, don’t be discouraged. Set the timer the next day for at least 5 minutes and try again.

Try something different
I find that this method works best for me. Sometimes the right words just aren’t coming to me on a given story or with particular characters, and switching to a different story can help. Other times, switching to a different activity works much better, such as modifying my website, researching future posts, organizing my crafting supplies, etc. After I’ve worked on these activities, I go back to the post or story and most of the time I find I’m able to get into it. Even if it doesn’t work and today didn’t work out exactly how I planned, I know that I can go back to it tomorrow.

Give yourself permission to goof off for a bit
This method definitely isn’t for everyone, but sometimes you just need to blow off some steam, especially if you have numerous commitments. It may seem counter-intuitive, but if you’re working a full-time job, have a family member you’re caring for or small children, and generally have a lot of things on the go, you may be too demanding on yourself. If you’d planned on working on your art for 2 hours each night, spend half of your time doing something that is easy and relaxing, even if it’s reading about drawing, and then spend the other half on your project. A timer can help here too, so that you don’t end up spending more than you intended. This one can be a bit risky though if you have a tendency to lose yourself and don’t have great follow through. Just like with any technique, pay attention to what works best for you, and don’t be afraid to try things if you’re not sure. If it doesn’t help, you can always try again the next day.

Get physical
There are some days where I’m incredibly wired, and my thoughts and plans and outlines are just spinning around in my head, but none of it is making it down on paper. At this point, I’ll pull out Dance Dance Revolution Universe 3 and workout for an hour. Or, depending on the weather I’ll take my dogs out for a long walk. I know others who go to the gym, go running, meditate, or hit a yoga class to clear their head. After physical activity, I feel much more grounded, the spinning has stopped, and I can focus on what I want to do instead.

In the end, it’s one day. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t listen to the voices that tell you you’ll never amount to anything. I guarantee that you’ve accomplished plenty of things in your life, and with practice, your creative projects will be completed too.

*Post title is from “Mama Said” by the Shirelles (link goes to youtube).

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Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first

In the corporate world and in academia, your work experience and expertise depends on other people.

For example, I’m a pretty decent project manager. I’m detail-oriented and goal-oriented, and I’m good at keeping my team on track to get the project done. The big money is in IT project management, but there’s no way that I’ll ever get a job as an IT PM. Why? Because my experience is in the training industry and in operations. It doesn’t matter that I have a diploma in computer programming. It doesn’t matter that I’m tech savvy or that I can speak to coders and translate to the business. It doesn’t even matter that I’ve worked on projects involving software, such as building a wiki for a large department. To a recruiter and to a hiring manager I’m too much of a risk because I’ve never worked in IT.

For an artist, a portfolio is equivalent to job experience and a resume, and you don’t need to rely on others to build it up.

What it does require is your time and your attention. You can add school projects to your portfolio. You can imagine that you’re decorating a room for a client, even if it’s just for you, and treat it like a professional job. You can commit to writing a short story a month and submit it to various e-zines. When you’re first starting out, no one is expecting you to have landed a million-dollar commission or that you’ve already had a hard-cover series printed. But by having a body of work to back up your effort, you’re able to show what you’re capable of, which will help you land paid work.

The benefit of working for yourself in a creative industry is that you won’t be held back from working on projects that interest you because of politics, seniority, etc. You and you alone are responsible for putting together your portfolio. I’ve already posted about the “bucket principle” and referenced it a number of times, partly because I’m trying to internalize it myself, but mostly because the people who are successful are the ones who’ve worked on their portfolios over time rather than the night before meeting with their first prospective client. By building up your creative platform over time, you (i) develop strong habits of productivity, (ii) are able to get a good feel for your strengths and weaknesses, and (iii) are able to put forward examples of your best work. All three of these things will help carry you forward towards a sustainable creative career and personal success.

Stay tuned for Part 5 in this series, where I’ll examine networking.

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It always strikes me as a waste that people engage in attention-seeking behaviour that doesn’t lead to anything other than a moment of instant gratification. I understand the desire – it’s something I’ve always struggled with, but I know that if I want to be successful, then I need to learn new behaviours and see the benefit in waiting.

Here’s a personal example of what I mean. When I first started writing again (after a 5-year hiatus in my early twenties), I quickly filled 3 notebooks with story ideas. It felt good getting them all out of my head. It felt productive. But none of those are real stories because I didn’t have the patience or follow-through to complete any of them. My muse was always taking me in a new direction and it was fun imagining all the possibilities.

Since those early days, my goals have changed. It’s no longer about seeing where a story will end up, but instead my goal is to be published. There are a million reasons why I may never achieve my goals including the quality of my writing, luck, timing, etc. I’m ok with the fact that I may never see my name on the cover of a printed novel if there are legitimate reasons. But if it’s because I lacked focus? Or because I was distracted by a new video game?

This brings me back to the man who honked at me today. Sure, it may not take more than a second to press on the car horn. There may not even be a decision involved and the man may have just acted on impulse. But if I lead my life based on instant gratification, I won’t achieve my goals, and I’m no longer ok with that. Are you?

—

EDIT: I came across a blog post today about Elizabeth Gilbert’s incredibly inspiring speech (which I originally posted here).  The post describes how much work she put into appearing so relaxed and casual – well worth it! Read the entry “Sprezzatura” by Derek Sivers here.

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Building an online presence

This past weekend I went to Fan Expo. My favourite part of this con is walking through Artists’ Alley and being surrounded by creativity and talent.

I’m in the process of creating a “geeky and creative” post, profiling the different people I met, but as I’ve been visiting everyone’s websites and etsy stores, I was struck by how different everyone’s online presence is, ranging from nonexistent to professional.

If you’re just starting out, it isn’t necessary to have a flash website that is professionally made, but there are a few things you can easily do.

1. Build a web presence

Others have written about this before, but it’s really easy to create a free blog on any number of journaling sites (wordpress, blogger, livejournal, dreamwidth), even if you’re not very tech savvy. Get in the habit of posting your work on a regular basis (even if it’s just monthly to start), and slowly increase the frequency to at least weekly.

If you’re handing out business cards of your work at a con, you need a website. I saw so many different artists and artisans, and I honestly can’t remember who is who. I need a visual reminder of your work, otherwise I won’t know why I took your card at the time and why I would want to follow up. If all you’ve provided is an email address, I’m going to recycle your card. This may seem unduly harsh, but I’m not likely to email you just to ask “what was it you were doing again?”.

2. Mention the con you just attended.

You don’t need to do a fancy write-up. All you need to do is mention somewhere on your site or etsy store that you’re in Toronto for Fan Expo for the weekend. I’ve noticed that the artists who took the time to update their readers, are the ones that generally have more content up on their sites. Even if you’re just starting out, it’s nice to give people context for what you’re doing. Artists were running out of business cards on the first day of a two-day con, which means that at least some of the people attending will visit your website. Tell us what you’re up to or that you’ll have new merchandise up after premiering it at the con. I’m pretty sure at least one person had a lot more items at their booth than show up at their etsy store, and I wasn’t that impressed with their current online selection. By giving an update (even just one line) you’ve given me a reason to check back.

I can already hear the protests of “but the product itself should be enough of a reason to go back”. Well, yes and no.
If you’ve spent any time on free online fiction websites, you’ll find that most of the writers who post stories will have a multi-chaptered work in progress. 80-90% of those never get finished, so I’ve become wary of those who don’t give me a reason to check back. Every artist has good intentions, but not everyone can follow-through with what they’ve started. If your website doesn’t seem like it’s updated frequently, then I’m going to assume that it isn’t. I’d rather spend my time on someone who provides steady content than on someone who has great ideas but they never make down on paper or online.

I actually find it a bit heartbreaking when I’m working with a client who has so many fantastic ideas, but there’s never any evidence of it, other than the conversation we’re having. I feel privileged that I can listen to a story unfold, but it’s a shame that others can’t share in this experience as well. At Fan Expo, there was so much talent, and with Valley of the Muse I’d love to showcase everyone that I talked to and give examples of how awesome they are. But if they don’t have an online presence, then I can’t do that, because I have nothing to link to, and I doubt anyone would listen to me if I said “trust me they’re fantastic!” without saying why.

If you’re starting out, you need to take that first step before you and your work can be discovered and that means don’t just work on your portfolio in the dark corners of your room until you’re ready to unveil your epic. Build relationships with people who are going to be excited for you and supportive of all your endeavors, even the earliest ones.

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I felt I was destined to be an uneven writer, at least in terms of output. If you remember the bucket principle from a few days ago, I tend to either drip away or on rare occasions have unrestrained inspiration but whenever that happens I get overwhelmed and stop writing for a period of time. My goal has always been to turn up the tap, so to speak, and maintain a steady daily wordcount, but my schedule varies so that creating a writing routine isn’t feasible and I’ve felt discouraged.

The thing is, I’ve been wrong this whole time. The point of the writing ritual isn’t to create a routine; it’s to bring you into the present so that you can focus on writing. It’s possible that I’ve spent my whole life misunderstanding what a routine is, but I’ve always pictured calendars and time sheets that illustrate a particular path of your day that looks the same as the next. It meant that if I was in the mood for chocolate tea, well, too bad, because the routine clearly states peppermint.

I’m the kind of person that lives in my dreams and in my mind, and I’m not naturally a grounded person, but I started to notice that when I introduced a certain kind activity during my week it’s become easier to sit down and get things done. I’ve struggled with procrastination and with getting distracted my whole life, but over the past few months, I’ve suddenly been able to focus enough to accomplish the things I’ve only ever dreamt about.

For me, it’s come down to activities that help me maintain a level of presence, of mindfulness, and it helps remind me and my brain that I’m capable of being in the moment. It’s not so much about sticking to a schedule or waiting for something in my head to click and make it ok to begin, but about simply being able to sit down and write.

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There are as many reasons to procrastinate as there are projects and artists, and tinkering with the equipment or software you’re using can make you feel like you’re being productive, especially compared to things like playing several hundred games of solitaire. And while a certain amount of attention needs to be spent on the software or equipment itself, it will never be perfectly calibrated. It also won’t create your work for you.

I recently moved my blog from wordpress.com to a self-hosted blog here at www.valleyofthemuse.com, and I’ve had to focus some of my time on researching plugins and modifying the code of the theme I’m using. I’m not 100% happy with it, but after a week, I had to make a conscious decision to stop working on it and get back to the content.

It was (and is) hard to keep my goals in perspective. Whenever I visit the blog, I see the things that bother me, the things that I want to change. But while I can work with html, I’ve never used php before, and trying to decipher lines of code just isn’t a good use of my time right now.

This can be particularly difficult for detail-oriented personalities, who can easily lose sight of the big picture. I get bogged down by the size of the spacing between the paragraphs and by the font that I’m using. Ultimately, I can design the perfect-looking site or blog, but without new content and without readers, there’s no reason for me to be here.

I’m also a perfectionist, and used to spend all of my time perfecting systems of organization, so that one day I would have the perfect filing system or the perfectly organized and colour-coded wardrobe. Over the past decade, I’ve learned that even with the perfect system, stuff happens. I might not put the clothes away for a few weeks and live out of a laundry basket until I have time to put it all away, which means that my perfect system is thrown out the window because all that matters at that point is that the mountain of clothing just get put away.

This applies to any project. Channel your perfectionism and ability to be detailed and nuanced into your art, because a publisher or critic won’t care if you used a pencil or a text editor, or if you found a flashy new novel-writing software. If the software helps you accomplish your goal, that’s fantastic, but don’t spend more than a token amount of time with the set-up. Get it to the point where you can function and then start creating.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out how to add the date and time next to each post title.

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One common attitude from new artists who are struggling with productivity is the belief that they need to produce an epic piece. They have a ton of ideas and dreams of one day leaving their day job to make money off of their creations. Sometimes, this belief can arise because of job loss, staycations, nanowrimo, etc., where there is an urgent pressure to create something right now.

Not surprisingly, this doesn’t really work, and the emerging artist feels discouraged. The reality of how much can be accomplished in a day can make it seem like their dreams will never come true, and they go back to longing for a creative outlet without ever doing much more. I think this is a shame, because there is so much creativity that could be shared with the world but isn’t, all because of a mistaken impression of creative output.

Whenever I’m tempted to think like this, I always remind myself of a visualization exercise I discovered on a financial blog. The exercise is meant to encourage people to save money, but I think can be applied to any activity.

Picture a leaking tap. If you place a bucket underneath it, eventually the bucket will fill up with water. It might be faster to fill up the bucket with a tap that’s spraying water everywhere, but being covered with water while trying to mop up the floor and counters is an unpleasant experience most of us don’t want to repeat. This analogy can be applied to creative projects, where the spraying water is your attempt to cram a novel into a week’s vacation (or a weekend) by staying up late and pushing yourself until you’re done. Even if you end up with a decent product, you’re unlikely to try it again, because of how difficult it was and how miserable you were after you were finished. If you’re going from zero output but are now serious about bringing your art to a more professional level, then you’re much better off using the first method. Maybe that means writing flashfiction every week or month, or taking the time to go for a walk every Sunday and taking photos of the things you come across. If you’re knitting, limit yourself to one or two rows a day, or if you’re a bassist and want to start performing again, schedule 30 minutes every few  days to play along with your favourite songs.

Once you get into the habit of creating, you’ll find that you’ll build up a portfolio without even noticing. And when you have an opportunity to talk to others about your projects, you’ll have concrete examples of your work, rather than just saying “well, I have this idea for a story that I’ve been thinking about for years.” You’ll be taken more seriously, and the more you create, the more opportunities you will have for paid work.

Even more importantly, on days when you’re second-guessing your own talent, you’ll be able to prove to yourself that you’re capable, because you’ll have a body of work to rest on.

—
*I’m going to use the term artist to refer to anyone creative, including (but not limited to) writers, photographers, crafters, painters, actors, musicians, etc.

Continue to Part 3

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