As a writer, I spend a lot of time alone.
I’m also an extrovert (and a bit of an exhibitionist) and after spending my day working from home, my husband is inevitably faced with a flood of conversation. I want to tell him about my day and about how one of our dogs kept losing her ball under the couch or how I’m just not sure what one my characters is trying to tell me. I know I’m lucky that he finds my babbling to be one of my endearing qualities, but I also know that he can’t be my sole support when it comes to my creative endeavours. He experiences creativity in a very different way than I do, and sometimes he just doesn’t understand my perspective or need for validation. What he can do is encourage me to put myself out there and submit stories to publishers, continue finding ways to work from home so I can focus on my novel, or point out the flaws in my project plans. He keeps me grounded, which is why we work so well from a relationship perspective.
From a creative perspective though, I need something more. I love talking to people about the creative process, and I’ve made some fantastic friends online who engage in picking apart their own methodology. I need critical feedback and I’ve found a helpfully brutal critique group. I also need to be nurtured, and I’ve been reaching out to friends who can fill the role of cheerleader or who will listen to me brainstorm when I’m stuck.
As an artist, if you feel alone, think about the different friends and acquaintances you have. Make plans to have coffee and see what their reaction is to your creative projects. Or try engaging people you’ve met online by sending an email with something you’re working on. One of them might just surprise you and fill a role that you didn’t even know needed to be filled. For example, the other day, one of my friends offered to read everything I’ve written. He’s a voracious reader, and even though I warned him he would be receiving unfinished first drafts, he seemed excited and interested in seeing what I was putting out. For me though, it means that I need to turn out something, anything, by the end of today (which thankfully I have), and adds a level of accountability that I need in my life. This blog serves a similar role and it inspires me to continue creating and finishing new things to post. You may find that you need different things in your life, such as someone who will text message you every morning saying “get up and write” or maybe someone who will go to art shows with you.
Be aware though that you can’t ask a person to fill a role they’re not capable of filling. If you turn to someone looking for validation, but all they give you is criticism, then stop turning to them. All that’s going to do is destroy your confidence and discourage you from completing any work. Or if they’re great at listening to you talk about the minute differences in materials you work with, but never add anything to the conversation, don’t get frustrated with them. Instead, be as specific as you can about what you need from them and then respect their decision about how involved they want to be.
And finally, don’t forgot to appreciate the support you receive, whether by verbally thanking the person or gifting them with something you’ve created just for them, becuase their support will feed your muse and help you accomplish your goals.
