Valley of the Muse

Sometime over the past decade, I’ve fallen into a mindset where I have to constantly apologize for my own existence. Whether it’s being beaten down by various jobs that weren’t suited to my personality, or by people who don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be an investment banker and instead want to be a writer or work in the not-for-profit field, I’ve allowed myself to become more and more timid about my life and who I am. The constant second-guessing and permission-asking has become exhausting and I feel I’ve been spending more of my time on this than on any actual doing.

Well, no more.

I had a profound experience a few days ago when I went dancing. Despite being in my early 30s I still enjoy dancing at a nightclub whenever I have the time and don’t have to be up on a Saturday morning. Dancing has always been a great emotional release for me, but I noticed some time ago that my dance style had changed from what it was when I was regularly clubbing in my late teens and early 20s. I had attributed the change to new styles of music and had assumed that I was merely adapting to my age. This past Friday though, I was tired of fitting into the crevices of space that no one else had claimed. Instead, I was the one claiming the amount of space I needed to dance and it felt fantastic. I danced a lot more than I have in a  long time.

So, what changed? I’ve been going through a difficult time the last few weeks with some of the projects I’ve been working on. I freelance, so I don’t have a set job or schedule, and while it’s great that plenty of people have been demanding of my time, it’s also opened up my eyes to how much of my own work I give away, among other things. But it’s also made me realize that I hesitate on all sorts of projects that I want to spend time on – everything from writing, submitting completed fiction, starting new initiatives and ventures, and even this blog. It sounds so silly to me now, even though just a few days ago I posted on my personal twitter that I felt like I had to apologize for my own existence.

After my epiphany on Friday, I had the opportunity to help a friend who is battling with depression and with their own struggles for wanting more out of their job and relationship. How many times have we heard someone say “who do you think you are?” or “why do you think you can do this when so many people never succeed”.  With my new frame of mind, I was able to encourage my friend to be bold and remind them that they had the strength to keep going. At first I wondered if it sounded like I was offering mere platitudes, but it’s easy to underestimate how important encouragement can be, especially to those of us who haven’t been.

It also reminded me of the reason I started this blog, but that quickly got lost as other possibilities for how to best use this blog came up. Ultimately, I want to create a space where I can encourage and support anyone’s creative endeavours. There are so many critics, but not enough cheerleaders. Even when I’m editing, and I edit on average over 50 short stories per year, I try to judge each story on it’s own merit and find something that the author did well. I think this is important, not because writers’ have fragile egos, but because it’s important for each writer to understand what they do well, so that they can move on and focus on learning the skills that they’re not as strong in. It saddens me how many good stories will never be shared with the world, just because a given author was never encouraged. So, I’m going to carve out a space for myself in this blog, dare to speak and exist, and tell you, the reader, that it’s ok for you to be bold and to want to make your dreams come true.

I’ve updated the side bar with a list of blogs I follow. These have been part of my dailies for years in some cases, which in blogging terms is quite a long time.

Bentos

Lunch in a Box: Building a Better Bento
If you’re new to bento-making, I really recommend “Lunch in a Box”. Be sure to check out the FAQ and top tips to read about the basic principles of bento-ing.

Bento Lunches community
Once you’re ready to start sharing your bentos, you can showcase them on the “Bento Lunches” community on LiveJournal. Lurking helped me learn what works and what doesn’t and gave me the confidence to try it out myself.

Fashion

The Fashion Police – Fighting Crimes of Fashion
Features a great mix of high fashion, affordable trends, and fashion disasters. Images and witty writing keep me coming back.

Personal Finance

The Simple Dollar – Financial Talk for the Rest of Us
One of the best blogs around for personal finance and frugality, updated several times a day. The writing style is clear and personable, the topics varied and easily applicable. There’s a reason he’s ranked as a top blogger, and he sets the standard for all blogs regardless of topic.

Wise Bread – Living Large on a Small Budget
A number of different bloggers contribute to various topics centred around personal finance, frugality, careers, family, etc. Includes product reviews and giveaways.

Photography

Dark Roasted Blend – a weird and wonderful photography blog
I’m always fascinated by what’s posted. The images are at times humorous and achingly beautiful art.

Publishing Industry

Trio of publishing blogs that I always enjoy.

Editorial Anonymous – A Children’s Book Editor
Mostly writes about being a children’s book editor, but if you’re interested in being published, there’s a lot of good information here. Takes the time to answer reader questions about things like why you don’t need to illustrate your picture book before sending it to a publisher, and what to say when an editor calls you and tells you they’re making an offer on your manuscript.

Editorial Ass – a recovering editorial assistant
Mix of personal anecdotes, publishing news and what it’s like to be an editor. Personable style that’s amusing and helpful.

Pub Rants – a literary agent blog
Publishing industry from an agent’s perspective (rather than editor like the previous two), this blog covers industry-specific information that an unpublished author needs to know about, such as advances, query letter etiquette, etc.

What are some of your favourite blogs that you check daily?

From Science Fiction and Fantasy Novelists: The Value of the Bechdel Test
A breakdown of the three components of the Bechdel Test and how to include women in your novel or short story, even if it’s written from a male point-of-view.

From Meta Writer (on livejournal): Pet Peeve Words
Words to remove from final manuscript while editing, such as including, just, nearly, feel, etc. List compiled by community members.

From Playing With My Food: How to Cut an Intricate Design out of Nori
Instructions on how to create special designs in nori (seaweed) to decorate bentos with. The example is from “Nightmare Before Christmas” for a Halloween-themed bento.

From Simple Dollar: What is a “Good Job”?
Examines the fallacy of defining a “good job” by salary as the sole criteria.