Valley of the Muse

Sometime over the past decade, I’ve fallen into a mindset where I have to constantly apologize for my own existence. Whether it’s being beaten down by various jobs that weren’t suited to my personality, or by people who don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be an investment banker and instead want to be a writer or work in the not-for-profit field, I’ve allowed myself to become more and more timid about my life and who I am. The constant second-guessing and permission-asking has become exhausting and I feel I’ve been spending more of my time on this than on any actual doing.

Well, no more.

I had a profound experience a few days ago when I went dancing. Despite being in my early 30s I still enjoy dancing at a nightclub whenever I have the time and don’t have to be up on a Saturday morning. Dancing has always been a great emotional release for me, but I noticed some time ago that my dance style had changed from what it was when I was regularly clubbing in my late teens and early 20s. I had attributed the change to new styles of music and had assumed that I was merely adapting to my age. This past Friday though, I was tired of fitting into the crevices of space that no one else had claimed. Instead, I was the one claiming the amount of space I needed to dance and it felt fantastic. I danced a lot more than I have in a  long time.

So, what changed? I’ve been going through a difficult time the last few weeks with some of the projects I’ve been working on. I freelance, so I don’t have a set job or schedule, and while it’s great that plenty of people have been demanding of my time, it’s also opened up my eyes to how much of my own work I give away, among other things. But it’s also made me realize that I hesitate on all sorts of projects that I want to spend time on – everything from writing, submitting completed fiction, starting new initiatives and ventures, and even this blog. It sounds so silly to me now, even though just a few days ago I posted on my personal twitter that I felt like I had to apologize for my own existence.

After my epiphany on Friday, I had the opportunity to help a friend who is battling with depression and with their own struggles for wanting more out of their job and relationship. How many times have we heard someone say “who do you think you are?” or “why do you think you can do this when so many people never succeed”.  With my new frame of mind, I was able to encourage my friend to be bold and remind them that they had the strength to keep going. At first I wondered if it sounded like I was offering mere platitudes, but it’s easy to underestimate how important encouragement can be, especially to those of us who haven’t been.

It also reminded me of the reason I started this blog, but that quickly got lost as other possibilities for how to best use this blog came up. Ultimately, I want to create a space where I can encourage and support anyone’s creative endeavours. There are so many critics, but not enough cheerleaders. Even when I’m editing, and I edit on average over 50 short stories per year, I try to judge each story on it’s own merit and find something that the author did well. I think this is important, not because writers’ have fragile egos, but because it’s important for each writer to understand what they do well, so that they can move on and focus on learning the skills that they’re not as strong in. It saddens me how many good stories will never be shared with the world, just because a given author was never encouraged. So, I’m going to carve out a space for myself in this blog, dare to speak and exist, and tell you, the reader, that it’s ok for you to be bold and to want to make your dreams come true.

You’ve finally decided that you’re going to take your creativity seriously. You set up a new blog, dusted off your watercolours, or maybe you joined a writing community. You’re going to stop playing endless rounds of Slingo Supreme or WOW and instead you’re going to be productive.

Then the next day, you’re just not sure you’re up to it. You stare at the blank screen and nothing happens. Or when you start drawing, none of it looks right. Maybe you have a headache or feel the start of a cold, or a chronic illness has picked today to smack you back down.

There will never be a perfect day to start on a new creative project, but on some days, it can seem more difficult than on others. Creativity won’t always follow the schedule you’ve outlined for yourself, but there are a few more things you can try before giving up.

Keep at it
Do you have trouble sitting still for any length of time? If you’ve been staring at a blank canvas, a few more minutes won’t hurt. Set a timer for 5 minutes and keep at it. If after the timer goes off you still don’t have anything, then pack it in for the day without feeling guilty. Some days really aren’t meant for creativity. Don’t give up though. Tomorrow you can try again. But if you’ve started before the 5 minutes are up, then ignore the clock and keep going! Sometimes all you need to do is to take the pressure off. By saying to yourself that you’ll only try for another 5 minutes and that’s it, you might find that instead of worrying about producing something, you’ll allow yourself to just be. A minor variation on this is to keep setting it for another 15 minutes (or whatever length of time works best for you) as a way to keep the pressure off. Over time, you might find that you’re able to work for longer periods of time.

And if today didn’t work, don’t be discouraged. Set the timer the next day for at least 5 minutes and try again.

Try something different
I find that this method works best for me. Sometimes the right words just aren’t coming to me on a given story or with particular characters, and switching to a different story can help. Other times, switching to a different activity works much better, such as modifying my website, researching future posts, organizing my crafting supplies, etc. After I’ve worked on these activities, I go back to the post or story and most of the time I find I’m able to get into it. Even if it doesn’t work and today didn’t work out exactly how I planned, I know that I can go back to it tomorrow.

Give yourself permission to goof off for a bit
This method definitely isn’t for everyone, but sometimes you just need to blow off some steam, especially if you have numerous commitments. It may seem counter-intuitive, but if you’re working a full-time job, have a family member you’re caring for or small children, and generally have a lot of things on the go, you may be too demanding on yourself. If you’d planned on working on your art for 2 hours each night, spend half of your time doing something that is easy and relaxing, even if it’s reading about drawing, and then spend the other half on your project. A timer can help here too, so that you don’t end up spending more than you intended. This one can be a bit risky though if you have a tendency to lose yourself and don’t have great follow through. Just like with any technique, pay attention to what works best for you, and don’t be afraid to try things if you’re not sure. If it doesn’t help, you can always try again the next day.

Get physical
There are some days where I’m incredibly wired, and my thoughts and plans and outlines are just spinning around in my head, but none of it is making it down on paper. At this point, I’ll pull out Dance Dance Revolution Universe 3 and workout for an hour. Or, depending on the weather I’ll take my dogs out for a long walk. I know others who go to the gym, go running, meditate, or hit a yoga class to clear their head. After physical activity, I feel much more grounded, the spinning has stopped, and I can focus on what I want to do instead.

In the end, it’s one day. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t listen to the voices that tell you you’ll never amount to anything. I guarantee that you’ve accomplished plenty of things in your life, and with practice, your creative projects will be completed too.

*Post title is from “Mama Said” by the Shirelles (link goes to youtube).

When I first started reading about increasing writing productivity, I remember seeing a suggestion about creating a bit of a ritual to get into a writing frame of mind. The author shared theirs – making a cup of tea. It seemed like a very simple thing to do, but I’ve never been good at sticking to a routine.

I felt I was destined to be an uneven writer, at least in terms of output. If you remember the bucket principle from a few days ago, I tend to either drip away or on rare occasions have unrestrained inspiration but whenever that happens I get overwhelmed and stop writing for a period of time. My goal has always been to turn up the tap, so to speak, and maintain a steady daily wordcount, but my schedule varies so that creating a writing routine isn’t feasible and I’ve felt discouraged.

The thing is, I’ve been wrong this whole time. The point of the writing ritual isn’t to create a routine; it’s to bring you into the present so that you can focus on writing. It’s possible that I’ve spent my whole life misunderstanding what a routine is, but I’ve always pictured calendars and time sheets that illustrate a particular path of your day that looks the same as the next. It meant that if I was in the mood for chocolate tea, well, too bad, because the routine clearly states peppermint.

I’m the kind of person that lives in my dreams and in my mind, and I’m not naturally a grounded person, but I started to notice that when I introduced a certain kind activity during my week it’s become easier to sit down and get things done. I’ve struggled with procrastination and with getting distracted my whole life, but over the past few months, I’ve suddenly been able to focus enough to accomplish the things I’ve only ever dreamt about.

For me, it’s come down to activities that help me maintain a level of presence, of mindfulness, and it helps remind me and my brain that I’m capable of being in the moment. It’s not so much about sticking to a schedule or waiting for something in my head to click and make it ok to begin, but about simply being able to sit down and write.

Previously, I’ve written about the impact of equipment on your creative projects. Tinkering with the settings of the equipment is a not only a great way to reach perfection, but to spend time procrastinating and putting off the actual work.

There are as many reasons to procrastinate as there are projects and artists, and tinkering with the equipment or software you’re using can make you feel like you’re being productive, especially compared to things like playing several hundred games of solitaire. And while a certain amount of attention needs to be spent on the software or equipment itself, it will never be perfectly calibrated. It also won’t create your work for you.

I recently moved my blog from wordpress.com to a self-hosted blog here at www.valleyofthemuse.com, and I’ve had to focus some of my time on researching plugins and modifying the code of the theme I’m using. I’m not 100% happy with it, but after a week, I had to make a conscious decision to stop working on it and get back to the content.

It was (and is) hard to keep my goals in perspective. Whenever I visit the blog, I see the things that bother me, the things that I want to change. But while I can work with html, I’ve never used php before, and trying to decipher lines of code just isn’t a good use of my time right now.

This can be particularly difficult for detail-oriented personalities, who can easily lose sight of the big picture. I get bogged down by the size of the spacing between the paragraphs and by the font that I’m using. Ultimately, I can design the perfect-looking site or blog, but without new content and without readers, there’s no reason for me to be here.

I’m also a perfectionist, and used to spend all of my time perfecting systems of organization, so that one day I would have the perfect filing system or the perfectly organized and colour-coded wardrobe. Over the past decade, I’ve learned that even with the perfect system, stuff happens. I might not put the clothes away for a few weeks and live out of a laundry basket until I have time to put it all away, which means that my perfect system is thrown out the window because all that matters at that point is that the mountain of clothing just get put away.

This applies to any project. Channel your perfectionism and ability to be detailed and nuanced into your art, because a publisher or critic won’t care if you used a pencil or a text editor, or if you found a flashy new novel-writing software. If the software helps you accomplish your goal, that’s fantastic, but don’t spend more than a token amount of time with the set-up. Get it to the point where you can function and then start creating.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out how to add the date and time next to each post title.

The equipment you use can have a huge impact on your creativity.

That isn’t to say that you should go out and buy the most expensive gadget or art supplies. Or that you need to own every single tool before you can get creative. But the tools that you use greatly impact creativity and can even impede it.

A few months ago, my husband bought a new camera – the Canon T1i. Our old camera was fine – it was considered pretty high end for a non-pro camera, but I was never happy with the pictures that I took with it, so I rarely used it except on vacation. I would see something that I wanted to capture, but then when I would try to take a picture of it, it would look nothing like how I’d want it to. I remember when I received my very first camera when I was about 10 years old, and how extremely disappointed I was when the film was developed. To this day I’m sad about the quality of those photos and how they made my vacation look so dull and lacklustre.

I always thought that the crappy photos was because I had no photographic talent. Then I played around a bit with our new camera. My husband Jeff and I were at a national park with our two dogs, and we were just sitting around after a full day of hiking and a late lunch, enjoying the view of the lake. I picked up the camera sitting next to me and I took a picture where the dog closest to me was in focus, and the dog next her (further away from me) was blurred as part of the background. Then I reversed the focal points so that dog #2 was in focus and dog #1 (closest to me) was blurred.

Both pictures looked great, and I was amazed.

The new camera didn’t suddenly turn me into a pro, but for the first time in my life, I had a camera that did what I wanted it to do. Ever since then, I’ve been taking random pictures, including the ones posted here. Having the right tool for taking images I’m not embarrassed by is one of the main reasons I finally started a blog for creativity and personal development. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years, but I always held back, and was never quite sure why it never seemed to come together until recently.

I’ve had similar experiences in other areas, ranging from cake decorating, making jewellery, and even make-up application! I remember in high school saving up money for what looked like a vibrant eyeshadow, only to find that when applied, it looked washed out and barely there. Since then, I’ve invested in good quality brushes and I stick to brands that have strong pigmentation. They’re a bit pricier, but I personally find it worthwhile (although I’ve also found no-name brands over the years that are just as fantastic).

Personal Development Tip

Is there a project that you’ve always wanted to embark on but never really got going? If you’re not sure why you just can’t seem to get it off the ground, it’s worth considering you’re being obstructed by the tools you’re using. One way to test out the idea is to embark on a test run. Go through the steps, create a prototype, and then assess the final product. If the result falls short of your expectations and hopes, it’s very likely that the tools you’re using just aren’t giving you what you need.

If on the other hand you can’t complete or start even the rough version, then all the tools in the world won’t be able to change the situation, and you’re going to have to resolve other issues such as creative block, procrastination, etc., which I’ll be addressing in future blog posts.

But, just think about it – if it really is about the tools you’re using, then that’s fantastic, because it can be such an easy thing to resolve!

What have been your experiences with tools? I’d love to hear your experiences with this!

There’s something wonderfully satisfying about creating a complete story while only using 100 words. When well executed, they can be beautiful in their simplicity.

I frequently have an image in my head and I’ve found that limiting myself to 100 words is a good way to get that image onto paper (especially since I don’t draw well). It’s also a way of disciplining myself to stick to the image – the description, the senses, and the point of the interaction itself – without going off on a tangent. By sticking to 100 words (no more and no less) I’m forced to edit out unnecessary words or add more descriptors, and I find this makes my writing much more crisp and precise than other forms of writing. It also means that I’m focusing on the writing itself, rather than worrying about how its going to come out.

A variation of this is completed stories using the 140 character limit on twitter. There are several twitter-based e-zines such as “Thaumatrope” (scifi/fantasy/horror) and “Tweet the Meat” (horror). I haven’t tried this out yet myself, but I’m planning on trying it out some time this month.

Do you write drabbles? Do you write tweet-fic? Do you follow a blog or website that posts well written short fiction? Leave a link!

EDIT: I was pretty pleased with myself for making the post exactly 200 words, but then I found a great blog that uses a similar concept. “Six Sentences” publishes short stories composed of, you guessed it, six sentences. Looks like all genres are welcome.

A fantastic speech by author Elizabeth Gilbert on the creative process and nurturing artists. If you’ve ever struggled with being creative you should watch this.

Very few speeches are this touching and meaningful.