Valley of the Muse

Sometime over the past decade, I’ve fallen into a mindset where I have to constantly apologize for my own existence. Whether it’s being beaten down by various jobs that weren’t suited to my personality, or by people who don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be an investment banker and instead want to be a writer or work in the not-for-profit field, I’ve allowed myself to become more and more timid about my life and who I am. The constant second-guessing and permission-asking has become exhausting and I feel I’ve been spending more of my time on this than on any actual doing.

Well, no more.

I had a profound experience a few days ago when I went dancing. Despite being in my early 30s I still enjoy dancing at a nightclub whenever I have the time and don’t have to be up on a Saturday morning. Dancing has always been a great emotional release for me, but I noticed some time ago that my dance style had changed from what it was when I was regularly clubbing in my late teens and early 20s. I had attributed the change to new styles of music and had assumed that I was merely adapting to my age. This past Friday though, I was tired of fitting into the crevices of space that no one else had claimed. Instead, I was the one claiming the amount of space I needed to dance and it felt fantastic. I danced a lot more than I have in a  long time.

So, what changed? I’ve been going through a difficult time the last few weeks with some of the projects I’ve been working on. I freelance, so I don’t have a set job or schedule, and while it’s great that plenty of people have been demanding of my time, it’s also opened up my eyes to how much of my own work I give away, among other things. But it’s also made me realize that I hesitate on all sorts of projects that I want to spend time on – everything from writing, submitting completed fiction, starting new initiatives and ventures, and even this blog. It sounds so silly to me now, even though just a few days ago I posted on my personal twitter that I felt like I had to apologize for my own existence.

After my epiphany on Friday, I had the opportunity to help a friend who is battling with depression and with their own struggles for wanting more out of their job and relationship. How many times have we heard someone say “who do you think you are?” or “why do you think you can do this when so many people never succeed”.  With my new frame of mind, I was able to encourage my friend to be bold and remind them that they had the strength to keep going. At first I wondered if it sounded like I was offering mere platitudes, but it’s easy to underestimate how important encouragement can be, especially to those of us who haven’t been.

It also reminded me of the reason I started this blog, but that quickly got lost as other possibilities for how to best use this blog came up. Ultimately, I want to create a space where I can encourage and support anyone’s creative endeavours. There are so many critics, but not enough cheerleaders. Even when I’m editing, and I edit on average over 50 short stories per year, I try to judge each story on it’s own merit and find something that the author did well. I think this is important, not because writers’ have fragile egos, but because it’s important for each writer to understand what they do well, so that they can move on and focus on learning the skills that they’re not as strong in. It saddens me how many good stories will never be shared with the world, just because a given author was never encouraged. So, I’m going to carve out a space for myself in this blog, dare to speak and exist, and tell you, the reader, that it’s ok for you to be bold and to want to make your dreams come true.

When I first started this blog, I was being pulled in a few different directions. I was coaching more and creating less, and I thought this would be the perfect way to help kick-start my creativity.

Well, it sort of worked. Unfortunately, it meant that the focus of the blog wasn’t necessarily working for me.

I’ve found myself in the midst of an exciting business venture, which has indeed inspired me to create more and more often. It’s also made me realize that while I enjoy coaching, it isn’t what I’m truly passionate about.

I still think about this blog though, and plan on re-starting it again soon, featuring more creative profiles, more of my own projects, and a slightly different bent when it comes to creativity coaching. Hope to see you all soon!

From Editorial Ass: Robert the Publisher’s Gem of the Day
Fantastic anecdote about why fear of failure is a wasteful emotion and examines how little it really does for a person.

From Meta Writer on LiveJournal: Synopsis Writing: or, Why I Would Rather Scrub My Toilet With A Toothbrush
One writer’s struggle with writing the dreaded synopsis for a story submission.

From Musie: Tim Burton’s Magical Fashion
Report on recent editorial in Harper’s Bazaar that features Tim Burtonesque inspired designer fashion. Includes images of shoot.

I’ve updated the side bar with a list of blogs I follow. These have been part of my dailies for years in some cases, which in blogging terms is quite a long time.

Bentos

Lunch in a Box: Building a Better Bento
If you’re new to bento-making, I really recommend “Lunch in a Box”. Be sure to check out the FAQ and top tips to read about the basic principles of bento-ing.

Bento Lunches community
Once you’re ready to start sharing your bentos, you can showcase them on the “Bento Lunches” community on LiveJournal. Lurking helped me learn what works and what doesn’t and gave me the confidence to try it out myself.

Fashion

The Fashion Police – Fighting Crimes of Fashion
Features a great mix of high fashion, affordable trends, and fashion disasters. Images and witty writing keep me coming back.

Personal Finance

The Simple Dollar – Financial Talk for the Rest of Us
One of the best blogs around for personal finance and frugality, updated several times a day. The writing style is clear and personable, the topics varied and easily applicable. There’s a reason he’s ranked as a top blogger, and he sets the standard for all blogs regardless of topic.

Wise Bread – Living Large on a Small Budget
A number of different bloggers contribute to various topics centred around personal finance, frugality, careers, family, etc. Includes product reviews and giveaways.

Photography

Dark Roasted Blend – a weird and wonderful photography blog
I’m always fascinated by what’s posted. The images are at times humorous and achingly beautiful art.

Publishing Industry

Trio of publishing blogs that I always enjoy.

Editorial Anonymous – A Children’s Book Editor
Mostly writes about being a children’s book editor, but if you’re interested in being published, there’s a lot of good information here. Takes the time to answer reader questions about things like why you don’t need to illustrate your picture book before sending it to a publisher, and what to say when an editor calls you and tells you they’re making an offer on your manuscript.

Editorial Ass – a recovering editorial assistant
Mix of personal anecdotes, publishing news and what it’s like to be an editor. Personable style that’s amusing and helpful.

Pub Rants – a literary agent blog
Publishing industry from an agent’s perspective (rather than editor like the previous two), this blog covers industry-specific information that an unpublished author needs to know about, such as advances, query letter etiquette, etc.

What are some of your favourite blogs that you check daily?

I’ve been asked this question by people who have never spent much time being artistic. A better question though, would be: “what is the truth you see”?

Being creative isn’t about the tools you use or the medium you create in. It’s about experiencing something that moves you and about hearing a voice within you that guides your work.

In the day-to-day struggle to be productive, it’s very easy to lose sight of this. Things like daily wordcount metres or the desire to show your family and friends that you’re spending your time creating a finished product can make it very tempting to approach a new project methodically, especially once you’re past that initial spark and now all that’s left is the tough slog through to the finish line.

Personally, I’m always at war with logic. I’m both left-brained and right-brained, and when I’m not sure how things will turn out, I fall back on planning. But when it comes to my creativity, I over-think things. I over-plan and draw up schedules for my daily wordcount or the optimal number of posts per day. I spend more time thinking about the project, stuck in an endless loop of analysis and contingency planning, and occasionally the futility of the endeavour.

But creativity isn’t about logic. It’s about letting go of the fear and uncertainty, and letting your inspiration out to play. It’s about seeing the truth in something and telling the world that it’s there, regardless of whether you’re pointing out injustice in the world or portraying unicorns in their natural habitat. Your end result may not turn out the way you expected. But if you’re true to yourself and to what is inside you can be creative too.

These ribbon balls are the easiest and quickest home decor project I’ve ever done!

To create your own, you’ll need:

• styrofoam balls
• ribbon with different textures (can all be same colour or different, depending on room)
• pin with flat metal head (you’ll need 2 per ball)

Start by pinning one end of the ribbon to the styrofoam ball, then simply wrap the ribbon around until it’s completely covered. I found it easiest to create two poles at opposite ends of the ball, so that it resembles the longitude (meridian) lines of a globe – this helped keep the ribbon on the ball without it unravelling, and it also meant I didn’t have to worry about using glue since I was working with the shape of the sphere.

Make sure that you pull the ribbon taut so that the white styrofoam can’t be seen underneath once you’re finished. When everything is covered, use the second pin to secure the end of the ribbon. If you can, hide the metal end underneath a layer of ribbon (since you didn’t glue it down, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a looser bit), and then cut off the excess.

You can also experiment with different materials, such as wool or natural fibres, to match your decor. Overall, it shouldn’t take you more than 5 minutes to create these custom ribbon balls.

What is success? How do you measure it? Define it?

Are you satisfied with your efforts?

It’s easy to be encouraging and compassionate to a friend who says: “Here is my art. But it’s not good enough.” Maybe you remind them that they should celebrate the completion of a project. Or that others appreciate their efforts, including past sales or accolades.

Do you do this for yourself? Or are you dissatisfied because you haven’t made your millions yet?

I came across an excellent article on learning to love yourself and was struck by the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours towards your goals and accomplishments.

Healthy – You set goals for yourself that encourage you to grow and stretch. You accept and love yourself as you are but know that you can always be better.
Unhealthy – You are constantly beating yourself up because you believe that you need to overwork or punish yourself for not being “good enough”. You believe you have to achieve these unrealistic goals to be “worthy”.

From Learning to Love Yourself Again by Cindy Sense.

Do you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished so far in your life? When do you allow yourself to celebrate? When you’ve had a once in a lifetime experience? Do you ever celebrate the small steps you had to take to get to where you are now?

If you have low self-esteem, the unhealthy behaviours from above can skew your perceptions and make it seem that you’re worthless and haven’t accomplished anything. Here’s an exercise that might help you gain a more balanced view of your daily accomplishments and successes:

Exercise: A “What I Have Accomplished Today” Journal

Years ago, on a now unfortunately defunct organization forum, I came across this deceptively simple exercise. The “What I Have Accomplished Today” journal is exactly what it sounds. All you have to do at the end of each day is record what you’ve done. Use either an electronic format or a paper journal, but make sure it’s something that you can refer to, especially as each day adds up. My preference for this is a paper journal, and each page represents one day of accomplishments, because I find it helps you to really see what you’re doing. You can also decide if it should just include your creative endeavours, or if you’re feeling particularly self-loathing, you may want to include everything from getting out of bed to eating to going to work.

I’ve used one of these journals off and on for years, and pull it out when I’m feeling particularly insecure about my value and self-worth. And while my self-worth shouldn’t be connected to my levels of productivity, the reminder the journal provides assures me that I can’t allow a blanket self-assessment of being a failure guide my thoughts, which unfortunately on really bad days is what sometimes happens. The journal provides evidence of accomplishments and that every 100 words I write for a story or blog post contributes to my goals and is worthy of celebration.

And this is exactly what I tell my friends and clients who are struggling to believe in themselves.

Will you celebrate your achievements with me?

From Science Fiction and Fantasy Novelists: The Value of the Bechdel Test
A breakdown of the three components of the Bechdel Test and how to include women in your novel or short story, even if it’s written from a male point-of-view.

From Meta Writer (on livejournal): Pet Peeve Words
Words to remove from final manuscript while editing, such as including, just, nearly, feel, etc. List compiled by community members.

From Playing With My Food: How to Cut an Intricate Design out of Nori
Instructions on how to create special designs in nori (seaweed) to decorate bentos with. The example is from “Nightmare Before Christmas” for a Halloween-themed bento.

From Simple Dollar: What is a “Good Job”?
Examines the fallacy of defining a “good job” by salary as the sole criteria.

Are you stuck in a pattern where you wake-up and decide that today’s going to be the day that you’re going to paint, but then find yourself getting ready for bed and aren’t sure where the day went? Do you have crafting supplies taking over your living room, but haven’t touched them in months? Do your works-in-progress leave you feeling depressed because they’re languishing and you can’t even remember what the story is about anymore?

Are your creative projects a priority for you?

With work, friends and family demands, it can be difficult to carve out time to make creative projects a priority. But it’s not enough to just say that you want your creativity to be a priority, your day to day life needs to reflect that it’s actually a priority.

Here’s an exercise that I’ve found helpful when I need to tweak my daily activities or if I need to determine what’s eating up my time.

Step 1
Write down what you would like your priorities to be or what you think they are. Include things like your family, pets, household chores, work, volunteering, etc., but don’t forget to include your creative projects.

Step 2
Next to each item from step 1, list 2-4 actions that reinforce these as a priority.
For example, one of the items on my list are my two dogs, Chloe and Basil. Next to them, I list things like feeding them and taking them out for daily walks.

Step 3
Write down your typical daily activities, as they occur. Be honest with yourself, and include things like eating, sleeping, work, tv, video games, reading blogs and newspapers, meeting friends for coffee, going to the bar, etc. This list should reflect not just your best days, but your least productive days as well.

What does this list tell you about what your priorities really are? Are they where you expected them to be? Were you surprised by anything on the lists?

Over the next few weeks I’ll explore different options for aligning your life with your goals, including techniques for carving out more time for your creative projects and looking at procrastination.

From John Scalzi: Rationilizations Run Thick
Comment on rationalizing why you shouldn’t even try being a writer

From Writer Beware Blog: Writers’ Myth: “You Have To Know Someone”
Dispels myth of needing connections in order to be published.

From Pub Rants: Glazed Like Donuts
Quick tips on successfully pitching at a writing conference.

From My Bad Habits: How to Capitalize on Your Breakthroughs: Elation, Reflection, Intention
Great reminder with practical tips on celebrating your accomplishments and milestones.

From Freelance Folder: Top 10 Biggest Website Redesigns of all Time
List of 10 famous online companies that includes before and after shots of their sites.